Finding my ikigai and creating Space to Belong

My fixation with loneliness and belonging has been bubbling away for well over a decade. I probably became aware of it in 2012, when I was a newly qualified social worker a friend introduced me to the the life changing work of author and social worker, Dr Brené Brown. ‘The Gift of Imperfection’ was the gift I didn’t know I needed!

“Fitting in is one of the greatest barriers to belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are”.

(Dr Brené Brown, the Gift of Imperfection).

I later started working at a charity called Young Lives vs Cancer, where I spent 4 years working with young adults experiencing the devastation and isolation of a cancer diagnosis when young (shout out to all of those incredible people and their families, I think of you often). A group of young people asked a colleague and I to set up a group for them to continue accessing peer support and professional advice after active treatment ended and they were required to navigate returning to “normality” when their worlds had been turned upside down. We were delighted to establish a Post-Treatment Group, with them and for them, and each month we facilitated the space for young people to connect, share and belong.

After our first group session one young person told me: “I was on the waitlist for counselling but coming to group I’ve realised everything I was thinking is normal. So I’m just going to come to the group and not bother with the counselling at least for now”. I was sold. Not just professionally but personally too. Alongside this emotional rollercoaster of a job, I began to experience my own very isolating circumstances. During this time, I too needed to draw on a community who shared my lived experience, a community for which I am forever grateful. Knowing that my thoughts, feelings, and struggles were normal and valid were at the time - and still are now - the foundation of my sanity and stability.

After a subsequent career break and an adventure of a life time, (joy - please consider coaching if you don't know how to find it!) came my move to Student Support at the University of Bath. In the wake of COVID, student loneliness surged. Government research revealed that a staggering 92% of students experience loneliness, yet over half (53%) felt uncomfortable asking for help. As one headline put it: “Lonely seems to be the hardest word for students.” And it’s true — ‘I feel lonely’ are three incredibly difficult words to say.

My role at Bath would focus on reducing student loneliness through group interventions, and suddenly I found myself doing what I love most! Creating spaces where people could come together and feel less alone. Naming and normalising the often shame-laced experiences (in this case of loneliness), and offering safe, supportive spaces to navigate it all.

More recently, I stepped into professional coaching, and unsurprisingly loneliness, shame and belonging show up there too. (I knew they would, it was a significant factor behind my desire to train as a coach). These themes are not just student issues - they’re human ones. And they're ones I really love to tackle. To quote Brene Brown again, "shame thrives in secrecy" and one of the many things I love about my work in this space, is that by meeting shame with safety, empathy and understanding, we work together to quash it.

And so…. Space to Belong is born from a whole heap of personal and professional experience, of life and living, of loneliness and belonging, of finding our people and finding ourselves. And from a life-long belief that we can all help others in our own little way.

Please do explore what I offer in this space and get in touch if anything resonates - I’d love to hear from you.